The other day I was shopping at everyone's favorite faux-department store, Ross. I had a blue Izod shirt, that I purchased a few months ago, that I had never worn. I did NOT have the receipt but the tags (Ross and Izod) were perfectly fastened to the shirt. The shirt sat in my closet for the past few months.
Since I moved last weekend and threw away 90% of my clothes, I thought it would probably be a good idea to purchase a few more shirts. I brought the shirt to the customer service desk and waited patiently for the cashier to "check it" so I could shop (dig through other discounted crap). I found a black "Polo" and an identical blue Izod, which fit better than the soon to be returned item.
The cashier started with the returned Izod. She asked me if I had a receipt and then scanned the item. The computer displayed a price of $1.90. "This doesn't seem right. Your own Ross tag clearly states $13.99." She scanned the item again and…$1.90. This isn't a used shirt that I am trying to sell back to them. Never worn, tags in place. As I held up the radonkulously long line, I asked why a shirt, that displayed it's price, would ring up for such a small amount. She said that was the price of the shirt. "But you don't sell shirts for $1.90! Trust me, I have looked. Please show blue Izods for $1.90. I must have missed that rack." The slightly annoyed and very confused cashier then said "sir, this is old merchandise."
"OLD merchandise!!!" I shouted. "You have to be phukin kidding me! This is a blue Izod. In fact, I am buying another blue Izod. Everything in Ross is OLD merchandise, that's why we are here." Right? Since when did Ross be come the Mr. Blackwell of discount clothing?
Oh well…I now have a receipt that says I have a blue Izod.
At the game, Kobizzle's heroics send the game into OT. Lose by 9! What Da Phuk!?! Seriously, to the Bobcats!
No, you do NOT need my address to dry clean my clothes. Dry cleaning started in 1840. I know the archaic, black/green screen, program you are using seems just as old, but NO. Figure it out. Name, phone number, I will be here on Wed to pick it up.
Up by 9 in the fourth, the wrong Parker gets hot, and phuk…not another OT. Izzo does it again, another heroics for naught. Will someone please guard Michael Finley!?! Odom, freethrows! Remember that site, doode!?!
Some might say I am data-mining the What Da Phuk! keyphrases, in the raw Apache logs files, to better understand my current SE placement and improve my GPR and Alexa reach. Others might call it a blogger's narcissistic look in the proverbial mirror of the Internet. Either way, I found out that I rank for the phrase "Kobe and Shaq." The log files fail to tell me what position and actually fail to say in which Engine. Instead of running this through a site analysis tool, I threw the phrase in the Google toolbar and manually read the SERPs.
What Da Phuk! does not rank on the first 3 pages of Google (for Kobe and Shaq). But on the 3rd page, 7th position (at time of post), the Yahoo! Answers question caught my eye. "Yahoo! Answers - Who do you love more? Shaq or Kobe?" As any true Lakers fan, I clicked the link to read the answers. I figured there would be a really well thought-out debate, with at least 60% leaning towards Kobe — considering he has been playing team ball, avg 27.9, 5.3, 5.6, and the Lakers have the 3rd best record in the league. Well…let's look at the answers.
Kobe he is great he puts up buckets allllll dayyyyy! Shaq is getting old and is sore a lot. Kobe can really take it to the whole
neither
they both are tools but at least shaq ain't a rapist
Sorry… Neither!
i love to hate them both!!
None
Neither, but I hate Kobe just slightly less than I hate Shaq.
kobe makes me want to punch him in his face…his look and his personality…ahh id like to punch him a million times he is such a jerk!…so i guess shaq is my pick
Hi Glenn Kawesch here,I like Dirk Nowitski better.Thanks,Glenn Kawesch
Kobe is a greedy ball hog. shaq is OK he gets more assists thought
Neither, but I think Kobe is learning (finally!!) how to be a better teammate. Kobe has a lot to learn from Steve Nash.
there both not the greatest but i would choose SHAQQ
You have to truly respect the top/best answer chosen by the asker: "Kobe he is great he puts up buckets allllll dayyyyy! Shaq is getting old and is sore a lot. Kobe can really take it to the whole" I really like his spelling, especially of whole[sic].
That one is good but my favorite answer is "Kobe is a greedy ball hog. shaq is OK he gets more assists thought." Kobe is currently #21 in Assists, out of 450 players in the league. Considering Shaq has played in (literally) 3 games this season, it's hard to accurately compare, but let's do it anyway. Shaq is avg 14.0, 7.5, 1.3. Yeah, that's hardly much more than Kobe. I guess this poster did end that answer with "thought" or did he/she mean though with a preceding comma? However you look at it, it is clearly wrong. Even if we look at the career stats, Kobe is at 4.5 and Shaq is at 2.8.
Is this what we are getting out of the Web 2.0 information boom? Social networking may have linked us together, turning 6 degrees into 1, but it seems our information is suffering. Are we being subjected to a world-wide game of telephone? This is just one, trivial in the scheme of things, example, but this wasn't a question about Sponge Bob. Maybe it was the phrasing of the question? Perhaps it was the emotional tone from the word love that detracted from any real answers? Or is Web 2.0 just allowing garbage to be passed off as actual information? Yeah, I think we are in trouble — this is Yahoo! Answers. I'll be in my bomb shelter waiting for the crash.
The recent surfacing of a Keeley Hazell sex tape proves, without a doubt, that there is a God. The fact that at least 75% of the 5 min tape is some guy's ass proves God has a wicked sense of humor. So here is a link to download the entire video.
Keeley is the #1 model in all of Europe. She was also named the #1 hottest model in 06 from HollywoodTuna.com.
To all the future hot sluts planning on making a sex tape, please position the camera so it's not recording some dude's ass. And please do not use the "night vision." Proper lighting and the right camera angles are very important. Hmmm…maybe I should start a class teaching the proper way to make an amateur, oh shit I hope this doesn't get out on the net, sex tape.
Unless you have been sleeping under a rock, in Iraq, you know about the iPhone Apple unveiled at CES last week. There are 15 million blogs with high quality pics so I am not going to pretend that I am trailblazing and post that. I have something way better.
It honestly feels like an SNL skit. I had a MacPlus. In fact, that was my main computer until the early 90s. My T-Mobile Dash has 64mb RAM, 128MB storage and clocks around 200mhz. My Dash is more powerful than the Mac Powerbook I had in the late 90s. Too bad it can't answer call waiting.
For the past few weeks, I have been saying "This is My Spoon. There is NO Other Way!" I have told a few people the definition and it is finally time to share it with the world. All 6 billion readers.
The Shaolin Monks (most likely not unique to them) have a test/training exercise they put their students through. At the bottom of the very long stairs to the temple sits a bucket filled with water. At the very top of the extremely steep stairs sits an empty bucket. The student must move the water from one bucket to another. The student must fill up the bucket on the top of the stairs…using only a spoon.
There is no shortcut. There is no other way to do this. You must walk the stairs and use only a spoon. You are going to make mistakes. Halfway up the stairs, you will lose the water. You must focus. You must concentrate. This is unbelievably difficult and unbelievably mundane.
We face many things in life that we don't want to do. There are many things in life that are boring. We face tasks that are repetitive and we are always looking for an easier way. We outsource most of the chores in life. We have maids to clean the house and gardeners to mow the lawn. As a programmer, I am constantly looking for a way to automate my life. How can I make this easier? How can I make the computer do this for me? Sometimes you just have to do it. You have to find the Zen and learn to enjoy it.
For the next 6 months, I will be facing some of the hardest challenges I have ever faced. Whether I like it or not, I must complete these tasks.
This is my spoon. There is NO other way!
My first challenge will start this weekend. After many, many hours of research I have decided to do the Master Cleanser Detox for 10 days. No Food. No Cigarettes. No Soda. No Alcohol. No Advil. No NY Diesel or Purple Kush. No Starbucks Venti Drip. Nothing for 10 days. Yes it is healthy, and yes I will be careful. This will be extremely difficult…but I must.
Update: 1/16/07 I made it to day 3 of the Master Cleanser Detox. I wasn't "hungry" but I was starting to feel like Jack in The Shining. I still believe in the benefits of the cleanse and I plan to attack it again. I will be posting a detailed journal and the reasons why I believe I could not make it past the 3rd day. You must physically train for this. I was mentally ready, not physically. You can't go from eating whatever you want, smoking a pack a day, drinking 2 venti coffees, etc…to nothing. It's practically impossible. I set myself up for failure. Halfway up the stairs, water will fall off the spoon. Go back down, fill up the spoon, focus!
The other day I was shopping at everyone's favorite faux-department store, Ross. I had a blue Izod shirt, that I purchased a few months ago, that I had never worn. I did NOT have the receipt but the tags (Ross and Izod) were perfectly fastened to the shirt. The shirt sat in my closet for the past few months. 
Some might say I am data-mining the What Da Phuk! keyphrases, in the raw Apache logs files, to better understand my current SE placement and improve my GPR and Alexa reach. Others might call it a blogger's narcissistic look in the proverbial mirror of the Internet. Either way, I found out that I rank for the phrase "Kobe and Shaq." The log files fail to tell me what position and actually fail to say in which Engine. Instead of running this through a site analysis tool, I threw the phrase in the Google toolbar and manually read the SERPs.
For the past few weeks, I have been saying "This is My Spoon. There is NO Other Way!" I have told a few people the definition and it is finally time to share it with the world. All 6 billion readers. 