The audio has been amplified and digitally enhanced.

According to my brother, the brooklyn king of space roaches, I am a super douche. I am not just any douche. I am the a combination of Criss Angel and Jared Leto. I guess I am pretty self-deprecating and masochist because I find it pretty funny. I’m pretty damn proud of it. It’s doucharific!

Update: I am now the proud owner of crissleto@super-douche.com

I had to leave Media Temple’s grid service hosting and upgrade to a dedicated box. Normally I would be outraged at the host and demand all of my money back and blah blah blah. Time is sensitive and it took them less than 30 minutes to provision a CentOS 5 box fully configured and ready to host. I don’t understand why the host.conf file in Plesk can’t come with .htaccess override turned on. It’s a pretty phuking standard option. That’s for a different rant, I must not digress.

I had to leave the grid because something wasn’t right. The site would take almost 20 seconds to load. I ran a tracert and it hit all of the hops in milliseconds. Perhaps something was wrong in the DNS Zone file? Or maybe, just maybe, the magical grid is just slow. It’s being taxed. It’s being raped by other sites and applications. The grid is being taxed and raped and my site is unfortunate victim.

San Fransisco based Servepath has just released their Grid. To combat all the taxing and raping (this is San Fran) they are allowing you deploy as many servers on the grid as needed. You can downgrade during off hours and upgrade to a cluster of 8 virtually dedicated servers on the grid. Their service also allows for the allocation of dedicated IPs. The only slight problem, it’s slightly pricey. You pay per CPU hours, per RAM hours and bandwidth. I ran the numbers and even with 1 server and not 1k of traffic, you are paying $150 a month. For sites that expect tremendous spikes in traffic (Shoebacca I am looking your way) but don’t need a cluster of 8 Quad cores and 2 load balancers, this is for you.

So moral of the story, Media Temple, phuk your taxing and raping slow as phuk, grid!

• Kings of Leon @ Nokia on Wed, Oct 15
• Purple Platinum Kush
• The final presidential debate between McSame and Jesus Obama
• Lakers Pre-season
• Magic Mountain

It’s unfortunately that time of year. I am going to have to start wearing pants. I wish I didn’t have to. Since the weather is about to permit me no choice, pants I will reluctantly wear. One of the biggest benefits of working in Venice is that I don’t have to “dress” for work. When important clients stop by I generally put on a button down shirt, but most days I am able to avoid the corporate office costume.

My space roach t-shirt and cargo shorts have become my favorite staple of office attire. It does make dressing down on the weekends somewhat difficult but at least I am comfortable each day. Now that I have to wear pants, perhaps I should go all out with a 3-piece suit? A zoot suit? A leather kilt with flip flops? Phuk pants… I guess it’s time to start working on my sleeve!

It’s not often that I truly laugh with a commercial. This is Hi-larious. In fact, I am going to start reacting the same way…and dressing the part as well.

Holy phuk is this the worst movie of all time. I am not one of those anti-Apitow fanboys that automatically hates anything he makes. I like most of his movies. I am shocked at what a piece of douche this movie turned out to be. I didn’t laugh, not once. I did cry and then I turned off the movie and smashed the remote into my head until all memories of this crap disappeared.

It’s rare that I don’t finish a movie. Very rare. The last movie I didn’t finish was Speed Racer. Forgetting Sarah Marshall makes Speed Racer look like Gone With Wind. I was going to demand my money back but I wasn’t even the one who paid for the rental. I think everyone should get their money back. This should be covered under the bailout.

Even though Mila Kunis is smoking hot and Kristen Bell ain’t bad (not her best looking role) there was nothing redeeming about this movie. Perhaps my expectations were just too high. From now on I will not expect comedies to contain jokes or have a script.

I guess I missed the memo that jokes may be replaced by a man standing completely naked or crying. Oh…now I get it….ha ha ha.

1. Less than 30 days until Election Day!
2. John McCain will rape your dad, don’t vote for him.
3. The 2 party system is broken. I don’t like either party.
4. Joe Biden created the Drug Czar. He needs to smoke a bowl.
5. It’s not too late to Vote for Hilary. Vote Hilary Duff 08!

Skin of My Yellow Country Teeth
Artist: Clap Your Hands Say Yeah

Killing in the Name of
Artist: Rage Against the Machine