“We have been trying to eliminate the penny for quite some time — it always comes back,” Obama said. “I need to find out who is lobbying to keep the penny.”

And all this time I thought he was for change… <rim shot/>

by Scott Bernberg

You know, the beauty of Call of Duty 4 is that you can play the game pretty much any way you like. Want to be a sniper and lurk on rooftops, waiting for that perfect headshot? Go for it! Prefer to play the aggressive Marine type hopped up on adrenaline? Grab you light-machine gun and charge into the middle of the map guns-a-blazing. And then there’s the way I play the game. With the most realistic depiction of what I would be like in battle…crouched under a stairwell waiting for time to expire on the multiplayer session.

That’s right, I believe in playing COD 4 the same way I would if I were deployed to Afghanistan, Iraq or even Canada, that is to say, tucked safely behind a burnt out oil canister, thinking about my wife and kids while I pray to God nobody comes around the corner and sees me drying my own tears.

You see, a lot of guys will bust their balls, playing countless hours of the game hoping to snag that ACOG red-dot site for their AK-47 so they confidently climb on top of a heavy-fire zone and pick up enemies as they relentless charge forward. I prefer to whimper silently, cowardly picking off opponents from unimaginable distances, watching the clock tick away for what seems like an eternity until my icon disappears off of the map as my weapon cools down.

The only achievements I seek are the Corporal Kilnger Challenge in which a letter about a family crisis at home allows me to leave the map 5 minutes early and return to the safety of the lobby, or the Private Joker badge which reassigns me to the media pool where I can accurately report on the days headshots and grenade tosses.

You see, I believe that if the developers at Infinity Ward took all that time to create a game this realistic, then damn it, I’m going to play in realistic manner, whimpering into my Logitech headset for everyone to just leave me alone. So the next time you hear the cries of SCaredSHtlss407 as he implores you to just “go somewhere else” I hope you will see that figure hiding under the dead body of recently spawned grunt and remember that he’s just a man who wants to return home to see his family. God Bless America!

George Carlin was more than just one of my favorite comedians. He was a hero. He was the epitome of counterculture. He hated cliches, lip-service, corporate propaganda, religion and laws. He hated the bullshit, cause it’s bad for ya!

George wasn’t just about fart jokes. Although sometimes he loved to gross you out and shock you, he was a master linguist and would breakdown our idiosyncrasies like no one else. Since I was little kid, George Carlin made me think.

RIP Rufus.

Rockin a faux-hawk while smokin a cig…he’s prob thinking about getting a sleeve.

While all the other sites are posting pics of their favorite Kush, on this 420… here is a pic of my favorite drug…Jenkem!

Space Roach (n, adj):

1. A ridiculous creature from outer space that is on earth to destroy the human population.
2. Many humans are known to act like a space roach.

Here are some other known space roach facts:

• The space roach often disguises itself as a democrat.
• A space roach is like a douche bag — minus the cool.
• It is common practice to extend the pronunciation of the word roach (i.e. roooooaaaaach) to convey the extremeness of the space roach.
• More often than not, a Jamaican accent is used when shouting space roach.
• Space Roach has become an Internet meme that has caused parents to have their children checked for Tourette’s.
• Hillary Clinton

Found on SpaceRoach

Harold and Kumar 2, Escape from Guantanamo Bay debuted at SXSW. Just one week after I was in Austin, Harold, Kumar and NPH hit up the college town for the South by South West Film and Music Festival.

While not being a box office hit, Harold and Ku became and instant DVD and cable classic – much like Old School. Everyone loves Roldie and that new guy on House. The new H&K hits theaters April 25th.

Hmmm….you’d think they would want to move that up a weekend. Just an idea.

 Here’s a link to the trailer for Harold and Kumar 2.

I was most fortunate this weekend to see Charlie Murphy, brother of Eddie and originator of the True Hollywood Stories (”I”m Rick James, bitch!”), at the improv in Dallas.

Charlie had 2 opening acts. Peter Barerra was very funny. Freeze Luv, who is a regular on Charlie’s tour, was hilarious. He set the perfect mood for Charlie to come out, look over the crowd and say “look at all these white people, just waiting to scream Darkness!” Charlie killed the room. At this point I don’t think you could pay me to see Eddie — he was my favorite comedian growing up.

Charlie was so good I am going to pretend he didn’t co-write Norbit.

This was the perfect warm up for Chris Rock in April.