One of the great things about books is sometimes there are some fantastic pictures.

“Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.” is a grammatically correct sentence — according to Noam Chomsky’s generative grammar.

While this may be true, I think it’s a slap in the face of semantic canonicalization of the english language.

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Today, I received my monthly bill from T Mobile. My bill is $221 over the normal amount ($100/per month). When I first saw this I thought it must be a mistake. I didn’t even bother to check the itemized calls. I called T Mobile only to find out I went over my allotted time…way over.

I have unlimied nights and weekends, unlimited myFavs (Top 5), unlimited text messaging, unlimited internet/email and 600 any time minutes.

05/08 - 06/08

  • 2402 minutes
  • 409 sent texts
  • 409 received texts

If you thought I didn’t answer my phone before, well we are entering a whole new era…a time better known as ringer off. I am NOT talking on the phone –  at all!

I have no desire to send T Mobile more than half of the astronomical amount I send to the bank for my car each month. I changed my plan to include 1000 any time minutes but what concerns me the most about this…why am I wasting 2402 minutes (40 hours) of a month on the phone?! I am like a 14 year old girl…nah…just dating one!

So text, email and get good at ESP cause that’s it. Yo B.Sleez, what number am I thinking?

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  • I am going to fight Kimbo Slice after fighting a Kangaroo in a full cage match.
  • Is Hillary Clinton really throwing in the towel today?
  • Levy (BSkeezarizia) does not seem nearly as entertained with all the new names. SAG does :-)
  • Platinum LA
  • Is it really 2:22am?
  • I hate Time Warner
  • Even Entourage reruns are awesome.
  • This is like a day of Twitter in one blog post.
  • George Bush has 230 days left in office (at time of post).
  • I have not had sex with a goat (at time of post).
  • What happened to the NBA? Why do they get a week long vacation?!
  • Beck is releasing a new album produced by Danger Mouse. He is on tour with MGMT
  • Pearl Jam has Kings of Leon and Ted Leo and the…. opening.
  • Still haven’t banged a goat
  • Wu Tang, Barack Obama, Miley Cyrus
  • Peace, I’m outta here!

 

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Bad BluetoothMy bluetooth loves to make calls. It really loves to hang up calls. It especially likes to hang up as I am in the middle of a sentence. I guess this goes hand and hand with making calls while my phone, and bluetooth, are both in my pocket.

Since the bluetooth seems to have a mind of its own, with a wicked sence of humor, I have decided that my bluetooth needs to take the blame more often.

If a project is a late, bluetooth’s fault. If I am late, bluetooth’s fault. High gas prices, low bank balance, all bluetooth’s fault. Iraq, bad intelligence via bluetooth. Ran out of weed? Bluetooth smoked it. Looking for the leftovers from last night? Bluetooth ate them. Wondering why your favorite show didn’t Tivo…bluetooth canceled the season pass.

See what I mean? It’s very easy to blame bluetooth. So the next time the cops are questioning you about that 19 16-year-old girl you met at the Hannah Montana concert, just blame bluetooth.

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If only every single API in the world used REST. Representational State Transfer to be exact. It’s so brilliant, yet so simple. It’s one of those things that you look at and think, why the phuk wasn’t this thought of years ago? How could we have been so stupid. Why the phuk do I have to decrypt a WSDL file for Netsuite? Why in the world do I need struggle and spend my entire Sunday debugging the nusoap library because the SOAP headers aren’t properly formatted. Why?

Yes, I am pissed! When I take a look at Twitters API which utilizes the REST architecture, I can’t believe how easy it is. It’s natural language. I construct the URL based upon the info I am trying to receive, and by changing the extension I can control how I receive the response.

It’s so phuking simple: 

http://twitter.com/statuses/user_timeline/lakeshowonline.rss

That’s the Twitter timeline for lakeshowline. If I want to include the friend list, I change user_timeline to friend_timeline. If I want to pull a different user, I change lakeshowonline.rss to whatdaphuk.rss. Want a serialized JavaScript array instead of RSS? lakeshowonline.rss to lakeshowonline.json

Holy phuk, a 3 year old can do this. Will someone please euthanize the developer of SOAP and the god-awful WSDL?!? It’s unbelievable that this is now only coming into use via the Web 2.0 API’s. Why did we make Webservices (SOAP, XML-RPC) so complicated when it could be so easy? Then again, why is George Bush president?

Seriously, if your API isn’t utilizing REST, go phuking fix it.

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  • Jason Kidd is overrated. He doesn’t bring veteran experience. He brings camaraderie and poor shooting. Thank you, Mitch. Thank you.
  • Windows Vista is so phuking slow. It’s killing me. Everyone seems to be ditching it. Even Microsoft. It’s almost making me consider going back to Mac.
  • Karl Malone fathered a child with a girl who was 13 at the time. He was 19.
  • I phuking hate Terrance Howard.
  • Indie rock has completely replaced hip hop as my music of choice. I will always love hip hop, there is just no one pushing it forward. No one. All the good shows are artist from the late 90s.
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Republican Presidential nominee, John McCain, refused to answer if condoms are effective in the spread of H.I.V. After a 12 second pause, he responded “I’m stumped.”

Just Say NoI would respect him more if he took the Ann Coulter approach. She might be tits on fish crazy, but at least she is honest. I would much rather him say, “yes. I do. But I don’t give a phuk. I am NOT spending government money on giving condoms to 3rd world nations. I don’t even want to give them food. Phuk ‘em.” I would say, “wow! He is heartless, but honest.”

What’s the difference? The end result is the same. His final action says phuk ‘em. Let them phuk, get AIDS, over-populate, under-educate and malnourish their children. He just doesn’t exactly say it like that. So I’ll say it. If you want to fix the health care system while not paying another dime out of your paycheck, you better realize, “don’t phuk until you accept Christ” is the only bit of contraceptive care we are providing to 3rd world countries. We have our own health problems to fix.

…and while we are talking about it, please don’t bother me about not recycling…or compulsive littering…or not flushing my motor oil down the toilet… I don’t want to hear it. My footprint is meaningless when the head of EPA’s last job was at EXXON. You want to make a difference, do it in November. Putting your Coke can in the blue bin ain’t doing shit.

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garagedoor.jpgApparently RadioShack doesn’t carry garage door openers anymore. I went to the RadioShack on Robertson and Pico and was told that the only garage door opener they have is an electronic keypad. I am looking for a replacement gate/garage opener. The old school, RF, jumper-programmed, clicker thing.

RadioShack, you can’t be serious. This is what you do. Are you really selling that many computers, cell phones and televisions that you don’t have time to deal with a cheap, radio frequency device? I have a hard time believing it. Who buys any real electronics at Radio Shack?

Even their website doesn’t have a great selection. Phuk the Shack and their $50 cables.

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  • Watching Friday Night Lights. It’s the best show on TV.
  • Reading Bringing Down the House and not watching 21.
  • Rooting for the Lakers.
  • Rolling up the Purple Blackberry Bomb OG Sour Bubba Kush.
  • Laughing at the Houston Rockets.
  • Shocked Ashley Dupre charges 5k an hour.
  • Voting for Obama.
  • Shocked at how hot Hilary Duff is becoming.
  • Loving the Vampire Weekend debut album.
  • Running Fedora Core 7 as a Server; Ubuntu as a desktop.
  • Using Gnome over KDE, sorry Linus…I disagree.
  • Giving me money.
  • Getting ready for a 3rd video.
  • Thinking of things to buy me for my birthday.
  • Expecting me to bowl a perfect 300…fairly soon.
  • Getting ready for the Kentucky Derby.
  • Staying at the Palazzo.
  • Throwing out your prescription pills.
  • Exercising.
  • Eating Healthy.
  • Going to Chris Rock in April
  • Excited for the equestrian version of The Betters Edge.
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I recently called Hillary Clinton a douche bag bitch. That was wrong. She is phuking douche bag cunt. She is disgusting. She stands for absolutely nothing. She ran on her husband’s coattail to become a Senator in a Democratic state. She is supposed to be strong because husband cheated on her?

During Thursday’s debate, she attacked Obama for using parts of a speech his co-chair and good friend, Deval Patrick, wrote with him. That’s like saying Nixon used to steal speeches from Ben Stein. You can’t steal from the person helping you write the speech. Just phuking end it, you tyrannical Dick Cheney in a pants suit. I wonder who penned the line “change you can Xerox?” We all know she didn’t write it. I wish this reptilian space roach would remove her face and go back to her home planet. Maybe the Scientologists are right….because Hillary Clinton is definitely the spawn of Xenu.

If you have to vote for a Hilary[sic] make it a Duff. Otherwise, Obama 08!

And YES, I would vote for McCain before I would ever vote for Hillary Clinton. I would also vote for Jeb Bush, Mike Tyson, Che Guevara, Ronald Regean, Santa Clause, Mighty Mouse, Mickey Mouse, Stalin, and Ron Artest before I would ever vote for Hillary Clinton.

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With the recent news of Castro – who is most likely deceased — stepping down after 49 years of dictatorial power, Hollywood liberals are showing their support for Fidel and his regime.

Che“..was the eight most important hours of my life.” Steven Spielberg (possibly false)

“He [Castro] is a genius. We spoke about everything.” Jack Nicholson, Daily Variety 1998

“Socialism works. Cuba might prove that. I think it’s conclusive that there have been areas where socialism has helped to keep people at least stabilized at a certain level.” Chevy Chase,  Earth Day 2000 in Washington D.C

The more I research this, the more I find these quotes to be taken out of context. Calling Hitler a genius isn’t showing support. Having dinner with Ahmadinejad and saying it was the greatest 8 hours of my life…well that’s crazy talk.

Che Guevara, Castro’s right hand man (during the revolution and rise to power) and author of Guerrilla Warfare, has become a cultural icon. I am supposed to chalk this up to “adolescent revolutionary romanticism.”  Business analysts have postulated “the admiration for El Che no longer extends to his politics and ideology. It’s a romantic idea of one man going to battle against the windmills, he’s a Quixote.”

Celebrities like Jay Z, Mike Tyson, Madonna, Johnny Depp and Carlos Santana have sported a picture of this iconic figure. There is a restaurant down the street named Che (with his pic on the wall). But why? What has Che done for Cuba? For liberalism? For socialism? For communism? How can “the Democrat” party support such a slap in the face of democracy? Che literally wrote the book on guerrilla war. It means no rules. Everything goes. It’s brutal. It’s worse than anything George Bush has done.

I can’t imagine what would happen if GW tried to extend to a 3rd term. Especially if he did it through the use of force. Are we at such a loss for actual heroes that we admire anyone who remotely stands for the uprising and independence of the people? Do their tactics and eventual outcome not mean anything? Cuba is not free. Cuba is not democratic nor liberal. Maybe I have been in Texas for too long (the restaurant is down the street in Dallas, TX) or maybe the Hollyweird liberals are just a bunch of pink commie bastards.

“Viva la revolucion”

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  1. eBay sellers are planning a week long boycott due to a recently policy change in eBay’s feedback system. Sellers are no longer allowed to leave negative feedback for buyers who have paid. If you are a douche bag seller who automatically gives bad feedback to buyers who have not received an item after paying for it and complained, your deparcher from eBay is welcomed. And please don’t come back.
  2. What does it mean to be a “conservative?” Seriously, explain it to me. Come on. I am waiting. It’s my understanding ”conservatives” are conserving the “family values” of the 1950s. So please get back in the kitchen and explain to me your definition.
  3. Ticketmaster is allowing users to scalp their tickets directly on their site. Is this even legal? Why is no one able to break up this monopoly?
  4. The Clintons seem to be crying, a lot. Maybe Ali G is right. Hillary Clinton is too emotional to be president. Hilary Duff, on the other hand, is just right. Vote Hilary 08!
  5. Every time some psychopath shoots up school, my civil are rights are threatened. If you are serious about gun control, go after the gun companies. Stop them from making weapons. Hold them accountable. Sue them out of business. Invent a time machine and stop the discovery of gun powder. Just stop threatening my 2nd amendment right. In a perfect world it’s hugs and flowers. In your world, cops and criminals have guns.
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