I consider myself a pretty nice person. I really don’t wish anyone any harm, but here’s the thing –  Jon and Kate must die. They must both walk in front of a bus or shoot each other in the face or get eaten by sharks. I am so fucking sick of hearing about these 2 bumbaclots. Is Jon slightly retarded? He seems like he is just short of special and is floating just above full blown retard. I don’t know anything about Kate…except she is on the cover of every magazine, every headline and every TV show.

I am sure millions of you will read this and be upset. I know my mom watches the show. So let me take a second to clarify how I really feel. I want Jon and Kate to die. It should be a televised finale and their kids should be sold in auction given to nice families that are not media seeking whores, robbing their children of a legitimate childhood, while they have a divorce on global television.

These 2 are the worst thing about reality TV. At least Spencer and Heidi are damn entertaining. One of my favorite shows right now is American Choppers. Every day the crew of OC Choppers gets to work at 6am, bends sheet metal, pounds out a gas tank using a ball pin hammer and creates some of sickest motorcycles on this planet. These guys are fabricators and welders and come to work to work. I love this show because it inspires me to bust my ass the next day. Unfortunately American Choppers happens to share the same network letters, TLC, as those 2 and due to poor corporate synergy, last weeks episode of American Choppers was a special, 90 mins long. Paul Sr. and his sons rode down to wherever the phuk Jon and Kate Douche live and kicked it with them. They made a scooter for Kate, and started to make a bike for Jon when I turned off the episode. Not even 20 minutes in, I erased it from my DVR and I got on my knees and prayed.

Dear Heavenly Douche Supreme, Criss Angel,

You are almighty, wise and awesome. From the way you dress to the way you talk like Bill Plaschke with a mouth full of marshmallows. You are so awesome in every way. Please be more awesome and kill Jon and Kate. Please save their plus 8. They are real children that need homes and real parents. Please remove Jon and Kate from this earth and from the mind of every human. Please make me forget about Jon and Kate. Please dear Criss Angel, king lord douche supreme almighty. Please.