Celebrities are apparently playing some bizarre celebrity game. They are trying to out douche each other with the craziest, most ridonkulous baby name. Chris Martin has an Apple and a Moses. Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson just hatched Bronx Mowgli. But the winner of the game and most doucheriffic parent is…Penn Jillette (Penn and Teller) who named his daughter “Moxy Crimefighter.”

Penn and his wife enslaved their first born child to a life of drug addiction. There is absolutely no question that Moxy Crimefighter Jillette will have a substance abuse problem. Jillette, who is known to have never done drugs, smoked a cigarette or even had a sip of alcohol, has made it impossible for his daughter to follow in his footsteps. He might as well put Liquicet in her formula because I see rehab in her not so distant future.

Sparing no lack of creativity and concern for the future, Jillette and his wife named their second child “Zolten.” There is no question that he will be the founder of cult. Bonx Mowgli (Wentz/Simpson), Apple Martin (Paltrow/Martin), Audio Science (Shannyn Sossamon), Kal-El Coppola (Nicholas Cage), Sage Moonblood (Stallone/Czack), Shiloh Nouvel (Pitt/Jolie), Fifi Trixibell (Bob Geldof and Paula Yates) and Seven Sirius (Andre 3000 Benjamin and Erykah Badu) will all drink Kool-Aid in their Nikes during a failed group suicide attempt. They will all then star on the 26th season of celebrity rehab.

I just can’t wait until I get to name my first child 4 Shizzle (Axelman/Duff).