According to the internets and people magazine and some dude named billy bush, Jay Bitchass Fake-an-injury Gayboy Cutler has practically left Kristin at the alter. And my “friends” say swinging a chicken around my head during my daily voodoo seance isn’t effective. Fucking drunk imaginary elves. Why do I listen to them anyway?!

Part 1 complete. Part 2 convince her to date retarded psedo-bloggers that are too “injured” to type.

I need more chickens.