• Kanye West will forever be known as “gayfish”
• Talking about twitter must come to an end. You may use twitter as much as you like, you may not talk about it. The ONLY people that are allowed to talk about twitter are Golden (@starecostation), me (@whatdaphuk & @lakeshowonline) and Kevin Rose (@kevinrose). Everyone else must shut up!
• Bluetooth must extend it’s wireless capabilities beyond a foot.
• Spring break must become a national, mandatory holiday!
• Professional basketball players must stop missing freethrows. There is no excuse and pretty soon it will cost them money.

1. Regular season NFL games may no longer end in a tie. American Football is the second most brutal professional sport, second to MMA. Boxing is nowhere near as brutal as Football. Each week, these men go to war, risking bones, cartlidge, and brain cells to win. After 75 minutes of bone crushing brutality, these pansies may not end in a tie. A winner must prevail. There is nothing gayer than a tie in professional sports. Do you want to be gay, NFL? You know how I know you’re gay? You have games that can end in a tie. You’re the GayFL. So that’s it. There are no more ties!
2. Professional athletes, especially quarterbacks must know the rules of the game. Donovan McNabb didn’t know that games could end in tie. Perhaps if McNabb knew the rules he wouldn’t have taken 75 minutes off and Philly wouldn’t be in a diminishing playoff picture situation.
3. To make up for the poor service, filthy environment and mediocore product, Starbucks must give me free coffee — every day.
4. After this week, all work weeks shall follow this schedule: Monday, Tuesday, a half day on Wed and a 4 day weekend.
5. The song Womanizer by Britney Spears is officially banned, forever. It is the most awful “music” I have ever heard. Now remember, I like Hatebeak. I am no stranger to harsh music. That song is such garbage it caused an entire Las Vegas club to boo. Boooooo you, womanizer…boooooooo. God of an empty nest….yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

1. Eddie Murphy must stop making this face. 
2. The Lakers must win the Championship. There is now no reason not to.
3. Everyone must stop believing the desert is hot all year long. The desert is freezing from Oct – April. Have you ever been to Vegas during this time?
4. The writer strike must end this week. I miss the Office. Bill Maher desperately needs his writers back. He danced in his monologue.
5. I must blog every day from Dallas. I must setup a picture gallery dedicated to my trip.

• Stop comparing Linux to Windows. The goal is not to create a Windows clone. That’s a terrible idea. We need to push Linux further from Windows.
• The NBA referees need to be fined for every bad call. This is part 2 of the rule that instant replay cameras must be installed and utilized. It works in football. The fans won’t mind longer games if they are called correctly.
• Election ‘08 is boring. It’s the same rhetoric over and over again. The next debates should happen American Gladiator style.
• NBC and Fox have accepted the digital age of media distribution. They just released hulu.com. Episodes — old and new — of Fox and NBC TV shows are available for free. The music industry needs to figure this out. Suing everyone is not going to work. Deal with it.
• The Patriots must not lose a game. At 11 – 0,  I now demand they have a perfect season. Do it.
• The Producers must make a deal with the Writers. It’s a boring strike. Unless you decide to duke it out, American Gladiator style, go back to work already.
• Someone has to step up and take on James Randi. The JREF is offering one million dollars to anyone who can prove they have paranormal abilities. No magic tricks. It must be proven, to defy scientific law. Randi has proven the money is there. Someone must step. It also must be televised.
• I must take a vacation. NY? Vegas? Hawaii? Cabo?

• While we focus on the Jena 6, which we should, we must not lose focus on the millions of black children that are currently being written out of the educational system.
• There are way too many new shows on TV this fall. I only watch two from last season. The Networks need to stop spreading themselves so thin and concentrate on creating a few good shows.
• Nielsen TV ratings are no longer acceptable. Have you ever met someone who has a Nielsen box? How can they represent 100,000 people? It’s ridonkulous. No more. I demand they use accurate results to determine the shows that stay on the air.
• Stop giving anyone and everyone a TV Show. The Geico cavemen, Perez Hilton and now the tranny who cries about Britney on Youtube. So what if  a bunch of bored-at-work people click on his stupid videos. He will most definitely fail on television. If you can’t see that, you are failing at your job.
• The Hollywood Bowl has to figure out how to let people out of the bowl without making it seem like herding cattle. I am thinking of ski lifts. Think about it. They could take you right to your car at Hollywood and Highland.
• The NBA must announce a plan to correct the referee problem. Considering Joe Crawford was just reinstated, they are moving in the wrong direction.
• You may not say you support the troops while supporting people who literally voted against supporting the troops. Republicans and Democrats voted against mandatory rests between tours. This rest is crucial in preventing post traumatic stress. So no, you don’t support the troops. Stop saying that you lying douche bag.
• Kirk Cameron is right, everything must have a creator. But he fails to mention that everything in human existence does have a creator, including the Bible and God. But now which came first, the holy book written by man announcing God’s creation; or did man invent God and then write the Bible as the voice of God? Hmm? Either way, man created both. And BTW, Kirk, my mother and father created me. So yes, you are right, everything does have a creator…especially the banana.

Since Real Time With Bill Maher is currently on summer break, someone has to define the New Rules. Anyone? OK…I’ll do it.

• You can not be Pro-Life and Pro-War at the same time. I don’t care what you say. If you are Pro-Life then you are Pro-Life. End of story. And that goes for Pro-Life / Capital Punishment people too.
• The term “fiscally responsible” must be ban from all debates. It doesn’t exist.
• The NBA must institute some type of call challenge. Just like in football. It is the only way to restore the league.
• Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears must spend all their time together. I don’t know why, I just think they should. All other celebrities would have complete freedom from the paparazzi.
• No one is ever allowed to say “Clinton lied” while trying to compare Presidents. It’s beyond redonkulous.
• Now that Jessica Alba is single she must come over to my house, immediately!