Wait. Whatever…consider it revisionist clairvoyance.

Whatever is right –Vince is the least dynamic character on the show. Droz from PCU made being an agent the coolest thing on the planet. Everyone loves Drama so much HBO actually made a real Viking Quest flash game. Turtle is the homie you need to have — he comes through when everyone else can’t…and he loves to drive. And E well…he’s the most annoying (but I think that’s really Kevin Connolly seeping through) but in spite of it, the character fits.

The lavish, guest star, herb induced high-life is the current “American Dream” and Entourage has always made that 22 minutes on Sunday the most enjoyable part of the tv watching week.

So what’s the point of all this? There is none. That’s the point. Much like this past season of Entourage. 7 episodes have come and gone and all I can tell you is E likes Sloan but he wants to spend time with the crypt keeper. I don’t know what it is about this chick but she just doesn’t look right. Something is off. Waaaay off. This show is so low on ideas it’s becoming a soap opera. Vince doesn’t *need* to do anything and…well at least Jamie Lynn Sigler is hot.

Anyway. This post has just been as aimless and douchey as Entourage. w00t w00t.

It’s still one of the best shows on TV.

Why?

Because I don’t want to get trash all over me!

It always surprises me at the Coffee Bean on Sepulveda and Palms that someone is sitting directly next to the phuking trash can. I’m not talking near it. I am talking any closer and they are literally in it.

Why are you sitting there? Why are you making faces at me?!? Are you pissed that you got hit with the cinnamon?!? You are phuking sitting next to the trash can! The trash can is the most left part of the sugar bar. Why are you sitting so phuking close? What it is wrong with you? Did your mother stunt your emotional development when it came to taking out the trash? Actually, I don’t phuking care!!! Please phuking move.

The Starbucks on National is overrun by elves. The Coffee Bean has trash sitters. What the phuk is going on?! What it do?!

/rant

I am sorry that I was so careless tonight. I am sorry that I was so inconsiderate to those behind me that I blocked you for an entire 2…maybe 3 seconds. That is time that I took from you, carelessly. I know this sounds sarcastic and insincere. I assure that it is not. I am truly, deeply sorry. I hope you can forgive me. I hope your sleepless nights thinking about my douchebaggery will soon be replaced by feelings of admiration for someone who can see his mistake, and repent.

Seeing you in person only escalated my feelings for you. You are unbelievably beautiful on television and are even better looking in person. I know you are thinking the same about me. Please forgive me. Please dump your boyfriend. He took you to a terrible movie theater. I know the Landmark is considered “nice” but it is pretty crappy. Why is the bathroom so far away? Please go out with me?! You are so hot. Monday nights will never be the same.

your one true love,

- j

I am sure millions of you will read this and be upset. I know my mom watches the show. So let me take a second to clarify how I really feel. I want Jon and Kate to die. It should be a televised finale and their kids should be sold in auction given to nice families that are not media seeking whores, robbing their children of a legitimate childhood, while they have a divorce on global television.

These 2 are the worst thing about reality TV. At least Spencer and Heidi are damn entertaining. One of my favorite shows right now is American Choppers. Every day the crew of OC Choppers gets to work at 6am, bends sheet metal, pounds out a gas tank using a ball pin hammer and creates some of sickest motorcycles on this planet. These guys are fabricators and welders and come to work to work. I love this show because it inspires me to bust my ass the next day. Unfortunately American Choppers happens to share the same network letters, TLC, as those 2 and due to poor corporate synergy, last weeks episode of American Choppers was a special, 90 mins long. Paul Sr. and his sons rode down to wherever the phuk Jon and Kate Douche live and kicked it with them. They made a scooter for Kate, and started to make a bike for Jon when I turned off the episode. Not even 20 minutes in, I erased it from my DVR and I got on my knees and prayed.

Dear Heavenly Douche Supreme, Criss Angel,

You are almighty, wise and awesome. From the way you dress to the way you talk like Bill Plaschke with a mouth full of marshmallows. You are so awesome in every way. Please be more awesome and kill Jon and Kate. Please save their plus 8. They are real children that need homes and real parents. Please remove Jon and Kate from this earth and from the mind of every human. Please make me forget about Jon and Kate. Please dear Criss Angel, king lord douche supreme almighty. Please.

Chrome 2009 what it do! Firefox is a bumbaclot.

If I am going to hit my quota of 1000 a year I better step it up. 50 a month is good but we just getting started yo. Guest bloggers where you @? The time is coming. Get your typing gloves, blogging shoes and raping hats ready.

What Da Phuk! What. It. Do. Lakers 2009!