Like anyone from my generation, I grew up with Saved by the Bell. It’s a campy Sat morning sitcom that never really took itself all that serious, although it did sometimes try to beat you over the head with its public service message. I wonder how many members of the cast were actually high when Johnny Dakota showed up at Bayside? But that’s besides my point. So what is the point? Hold on…I’m getting there.

Zack Morris is the world’s biggest douche bag!

The last couple of mornings I have been waking up early and catching Saved by the Bell on TBS (hey, we all need a reason to get up early). It has now occurred to me that Zack is such a piece of shit he gives douche bags a bad name. Even Criss Angel would call Zack a douche before pulling an apple out of a bag and cutting his own tongue with a razor blade.

In only 2 episodes: Zack cons his friends out of money, willfully purchases cheap class rings so he can make a quick buck, sabotages his closest friends chances of writing a new school song and unsuccessfully tries to rig a cooking competition.

I don’t really care that Zack is a cheater. Zack Morris is a super douche because he is cheating and hurting his friends. He will throw anyone, and more often than not, his best friend, Screech, under the bus. He will stab you in the back and convince you to buy the knife. Zack has no loyalty and is a terrible, terrible role model. But for some reason, our generation loved Zack Morris. Zack was so loved the producers decided to give him 1590 on his SATs even though he didn’t prepare at all for the test.

With each episode I now watch, I despise Zack more and more. Even George Bush doesn’t throw his close friends into the fire like this. Zack is making croneyism look like loyality. But I guess this makes sense. America loves to idolize a monolithic douche and that is why we are now stuck with Spencer Pratt.